My Passion

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Everyone else seems to have it figured out, or at least has a plan. I have nothing: no ambition, no motivation, no drive. I'm trying so hard to be positive and just keep going ahead with my degree. I keep saying to myself 'if you just finish your degree, the rest will figure itself out', but I know this isn't true. The only thing I've ever been really sure about is travel. I want to see the world and everything it has to offer. Which, I know, sounds so typical; a university student wanting to drop out and travel? How original.

All I know, is that since the end of high school I have wanted to escape and travel. I have made many plans in the past with my best friend (Elena) to run away and travel the world together, and several plans to go on holidays with my boyfriend. But now it's different. They both have found their passions in life, and are following them. I'm proud of them, and I'm happy for them. But where does that leave me? I'm supposed to be moving in with my boyfriend (Adam) this year, which I am over the moon about. But the most he can get off work is 2 weeks at a time. I wanted to travel the world after university, but if I stay with him, it's unlikely that that's still going to happen. I'm conflicted and confused. I don't want to break up with him by any means. But if he's choosing his passion over me, shouldn't I choose mine over him? But is it the same thing? His passion leads to a decent paying job and security. I'm not even sure mine is a passion, and all it leads to is uncertainty and debt. But that's never even crossed my mind.

When I think of travel, I think of freedom. I don't think of booked holidays, and stays in hotels, and scheduled flights... I think of losing myself in a country's culture. The food. The atmosphere. The people. The traditions. I want to experience as much of it as I can before I die. I don't want to be 60 years old looking back at my life and thinking, why the fuck didn't I just do it? What do I have to lose? Money? I can make it back. Friends? I don't have any anyway. Family? I'll never lose them. Boyfriend? ...That's the only thing standing in my way right now. But I love him, and I want him forever. But does that mean I should have to sacrifice all I know that I want, just so he can keep his job? I really don't know what the right answer is here. Guess this is something I'm just going to have to make up as I go along.

#boyfriend #relationships #relationship #bestfriend #friends #passion #travel #career